Thoughts of the day!!

o Every one owns one’s struggle in life!!

o I though I am knowing more… but actually I was getting aware of the fact that I know nothing.

o A philosopher is a confused person trying to understand life. And that person resides with-in all of us!

A bit of philosophy about friendship and love

I am notorious being a preacher. Willingly or unwillingly.. in need or not in need.. my friends has to bear my own philosophical preaching. But at the other end I myself don’t prefer anyone else to preach me ( yes , only I am allowed to lecture myself).

However, sometimes I feel like being a really strong philosopher come preacher and I really try hard to fight the problems of life with some fundas. So this time I take this opportunity to write about a very sensitive topic, which I myself found very relevant and has lectured myself a lot.

“What to do when a opposite sex friend start mixing friendship and love???”

Hello!! What you will find here is not the straight answer to this question. And as it’s supposed to be, the philosophy is not to solve the problem but to find the way to solve it.

And one more thing is that, my thoughts here are applied for both boys and girls. So it’s not that I am just putting my own thing when i got confused about being in love with some female friends. (I really mean that plural marking ‘s’ in friends :-)). Actually problem with people like me is that being a “nice guy” , we end up being a “nice friend” cum “best friend” cum “special friend” but NOT “boy friend” ( phewww....Thank God..) . And and and, in all conversation like this blog, i have a habit to talk and comment to myself (you see all that text in ()), please bear with that.

Enough prologue, let’s start now. So the first and foremost is that Try to keep things simple. If something is really bothering your mind, just be honest to that, think about it from an outer perspective*. So once you have thought enough about it, talk to your friend. But be bit careful here. You gotta be bit causal and very simple. Don’t forget to make him/her believe that you are and will always remain good friends.

I really don’t like the thoughts about risking a friendship for love. I am sure there will be lot of quotations on this topic. Now i think this theory is old when people used to say that a boy and a girl can’t be just friends, come on.. look around. .. Do you still think so?? Probably that would have been the time when there used be a minimal interaction between young boys and girls and so the so called friendship was the first step towards love.

Coming back to the context, the problem is that we get pre-occupied with ideas like “what if she said no”, how will she react”, “do he also feel the same about me” or “will be ever be that good as we are”. I think a friend is the only person with whom you can talk about anything without having much risk. So there might be little bit confusion and turbulence in the beginning but things settle down with time. So give yourself time. Don’t rush to get something, you have nothing to loose and you still have a good friend out there, s/he is not going anywhere. Sometimes you may get a very positive and encouraging response, may be your friend is also bit confused**. Or it may be just opposite also, you may end up in a fight and come back with your head full of frustration. So give things time let him/her think about it. Believe me, no one want to lose friends.

Now here are lot of possible scenarios. The extreme being simple and all intermediate states being chaotic. I have this habit of taking scientific or mathematical explanations. So if he and she are x and y coordinates, here is how i think things may go.

1. (+,+): both have similar emotion and feel that they are in love.

2. (+,-):boy is in love ( by this i mean he “think” that he is in love) but not the girl.

3. (-,-): both are not in love

4. (-,+): girl in love (again this is what she thinks) but not the boy.

I will explain this some other day that what is the difference between “thinking” that you are in love and actually “being” in love.

So for case1, congrats.. what best you can get as a life partner other than your best friend. Lucky you. You have a 2-in-one companion. J.

The only possible problem, which can be not only is this case but always, is that there might be social constraint like cast and social status etc. We are not going to talk about that.

Case2: hmmm.. here comes the complicated case.. you think you are the best for her. You do anything more than a boyfriend could ever do, but alas, you are not the one!!! She never felt that for you. Now first thing that will bother you is a big “WHY”. So my friend.. please don’t think about this ‘why’ so much. And a warning, don’t even think about discussing this with other friends or never about talking to her family directly. You can't take here the advantage of being friend. However, sharing with some very trustworthy friend (other than her) will help you feel better. Winning a girl’s heart is not easy, and let her decide it. Don’t let this friend factor come here telling what is good or bad for her. May be you can give yourself and also to her more time. And if you find it very difficult , take a break, limit your interaction ( of course temporarily ) and try to get involved in other things to get de-focused from this. I am not going to tell how to make her fall in love with you. That’s a completely different story and out of scope here. Don't expect she will get enlightened about your love! Here taking the simplest and perhaps the pessimistic approach, Simply accept the fact that she doesn’t love you. You can still be good friends.

Case3: Well.. again a simple case. No problem. We are not at all talking about this case in this whole theory!!

Case 4: Oh my dear. You are such a sweet nice girl the best that idiot can ever get. But he never thought it that way. Now what. Again here the same thing as case 2 applies. But as a girl psychology is considered to be complex, I don’t think a small paragraph will suffice. Again, give yourself time. I believe that girls are stronger in this case and can control their emotions.However, things can be really complicated here.But please don't forget that life existed with happiness even before you fell in love. There are people in this world who cares for you and you are a really meaningful asset and an important person. Be brave to accept this. Again i am not going to talk about how to make him fall in love with you. I am kind of believer of "let the things happen".

Ah.. enough for today.. may be some other day i will add to this. May be i can have different chapters as i have left so many pointer here :-)

*By saying ”outer perspective”, i mean thinking in a way that you are not ‘in’ the situation, but out of the situation. Take it as being an external observer instead of one being in the context.

**Well, the response strongly depends on the current mental state of your friend. He/she might be feeling lonely and may get carried away finding love coming his/her way. Or in contrast one may having some really bizarre situation in life ( which even you may not know) and when you come with your view, one may get irritated taking this as another stupid problem. Or depending on someone’s psyche, any kind of response in possible and i believe that should not be taken as final one.